4 Ways to Encourage Your Child to Be a Flexible Thinker

In an ever-changing world, flexibility is an essential life skill. Encouraging your child to adapt and persevere when life doesn’t go as planned is paramount as they approach adulthood. To encourage your child to step away from rigid thinking, consider the following four ways that will nurture your child into a flexible thinker.

1. Model flexible thinking

We all have moments where things don’t work out the ways we expect. For example, you might plan all summer to have an awesome back to school pool party. Then, much to your chagrin, the forecast looms of thunder and rain. Model flexibility by adapting your carefully planned party to a movie and pizza night. Shift moments of inconvenience into opportunities to utilize flexible thinking. Demonstrating resilience and creativity in the face of disappointment can undoubtedly help your child develop the same flexibility muscle. As James Baldwin famously wrote, “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.'”

2. Prepare for potential triggers

If your child struggles with changes in routine, and this Saturday grandma needs to take them to soccer practice instead of mom, take some time to talk it through with them in advance. Ask your child what their rigid thought is, and what the flexible thought could be to replace it. Preempting the trigger can help not only prepare children for the difficult situation, but also encourage emotional regulation. Furthermore, if you model this process for them, they may be able to do the same independently the next time the world requires them to be flexible.

3. Encourage multiple solutions

Life is rife with different possibilities. There are multiple solutions to every problem. If your child struggles with making a decision, encourage them by stating that there are multiple appropriate ways to handle a situation. If you are able to normalize various outcomes, your child will become more accustomed to reality if things don’t go as planned.

4. Praise moments of flexibility

When your child exhibits flexibility, even when it’s small, praise them! If they struggle with persevering when their social battery is drained, yet they finish out family dinner with a smile, tell them you are proud of them. Showing flexibility is hard, especially for children and young adults. The more reinforcement they receive, the more likely they will repeat their flexible behavior.

As we encourage our children’s journey into flexible thinking, their confidence can also increase, thereby allowing them to face any challenges that might come their way. Encouraging your child to become a flexible thinker is no small task, but instead takes intentionality, practice, and patience. However, the benefits of creativity, adaptability and resilience are limitless.

Alexandra Lawrence, MAT, MSW

Social Learning Coach